Description:

This is a well-researched recipe for succulent adventure in a tropical local. For it you will need some basic ingredients (motorbikes) and some selective ingredients (Brazilian, Czech). In either case you should be able to locate these ingredients or suitably similar substitutes in most budget hotels.

If you follow this quick-adventure recipe you will arrive at a gorgeous, picturesque tropical beach with one flat tire, a mighty thirst, slight sunburn and encased in a layer of very thick brown dust. Improvisation and experimentation is encouraged!

Ingredients:

1 Colombian

1 Filipino

1 Brazilian

1 German

1 Czech

1 American

1 map

2 semi-automatic dirt-bike/scooters

1 automatic scooter intended for urban pursuits

5 helmets

Method:

1. Ensure that 3 of your party are reasonably competent, if not confident, drivers of motorbikes. If 2/3 proposed drivers are capable, that will suffice.
2. Test motorbikes for ignition, braking ability, power steering, level of fuel tank and tire air pressure. If any of these leave something to be desired, attempt to exchange for a different motorbike.
3. Load onto motorbikes in pairs, designating the more experienced/confident person as driver.
4. Follow in single-file through streets crowded with people, motorbikes, motorized tricycles. Lead bike should be the least experienced moto-team preferably with irregular speed control and wavy, wide open lines around curves.
5. Proceed in this manner through all landscapes and road conditions for 1.5 hours without pause. Do not stop for directions, only yell in the direction of locals while passing in second gear; assume that a nod of the head equates confirmation of correct course. Do not hesitate when crossing makeshift bridges of loosely aligned wooden planks. Wave to passing jeepneys and trucks laden with 25+ passengers. Consider applying sunscreen to exposed areas.
6. At large, obvious intersection halt progress and inquire regarding course. Should you discover that you are very close to Pak Palung beach but in fact very far from your destination of Nok Palung beach, reverse course and retrace your steps asking at every junction for confirmation of course in the same manner as described in step #5.
7. If you find that your comrades are proceeding too slowly and it is causing you to inhale unnecessarily high amounts of dust particles and/or decreases your 2-wheeled stability then feel free to pass with throttlewide-open. Look for any junctions and should you fail to notice any, proceed for an additional 15 minutes. Assume that the beach is just at the horizon and all roads lead there.
8. After passing a village of relatively considerable size and ascending a hill, pull over to relieve oneself and climb a tree to determine the optimal course towards the ocean. Discuss options for 15 additional minutes and again reverse course, accepting the fate of being on a(now suddenly) singular journey.
9. Magically rejoin companions on the route, as if with divine timing. Continue retracing steps and shouting at locals in search of your destination. Discover a turn you had previously overlooked. Follow this, always heading towards palm trees and ever flattening topographic profiles. You are now nearing your destination.
10. Before completing the adventure, be sure to drive your motorcycle through very soft sand, loosing traction and nearly throwing off your passenger before regaining stability.
11. Arrive at Nok Palung beach, immediately cast off clothing and run for the waves! Take in the breath-taking scenery, go for a 45 minute swim and walk the beach reveling in the absence of human presence.